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font-size: var(--bs-body-font-size); text-align: var(--bs-body-text-align);" alt="silent treatment"></p><p style="text-align: justify;">冷暴力，可以視為親密關係中的無聲傷害，無論是家人、伴侶、朋友之間；例如，因意見不合而刻意無視伴侶、朋友取消約會後不回覆訊息、孩子搗亂過後，對他們不瞅不睬，不作眼神接觸，以最低限度的語言交流。</p><p style="text-align: justify;">冷暴力聽起來好像十分常見，但怎樣才算得上是冷暴力呢？簡單來說，冷暴力是指<strong>拒絕溝通</strong>的行為，無論是<strong>有意還是無意</strong>。對有些人來說，從衝突中抽離，保持沉默是一種<strong>應對機制</strong>；因為在衝突中向對方展現脆弱的一面、說出自己的情感，可能是件十分困難的事。他們可能透過保持距離，以避免直接表達感受。</p><p style="text-align: justify;">也有另一種可能，保持沉默是<strong>故意的被動攻擊行為</strong>（passive-aggressive behavior），透過表現出疏遠、迴避和漠視的行為，令對方感到不適和沮喪，對目前狀況感到困惑和不確定。</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><img src="/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/28234501/4_Thought.webp" alt="thoughts"><br></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong></strong></p><h2><strong>被冷暴力的心理影響</strong></h2><p style="text-align: justify;">可能你會問：「沉默怎會有害呢？」事實上，當經歷冷暴力時，我們會感受到被忽視和拒絕，大腦意識到<strong>社交連結受威脅</strong>，交感神經系統隨之而作出反應。研究指出，這時大腦負責<strong>處理疼痛</strong>的區域，背側前扣帶皮層（dorsal anterior cingulate cortex）會活躍起來；也即是，<strong>被忽視或拒絕會帶來痛苦</strong>。</p><p style="text-align: justify;">受冷暴力的一方，可能會感到<strong>焦慮和恐懼</strong>、無助和被遺棄，出現<strong>自我懷疑、自我批評</strong>等「內耗」情況，甚至會<strong>影響自尊</strong>。也有研究顯示，冷暴力會帶來<strong>持續的衝突</strong>，因為雙方都沒有機會表達自己的感受。</p><p style="text-align: justify;">一個針對家庭冷暴力的研究指出，冷暴力令<strong>孩子的自尊心</strong>和<strong>親子關係的滿意度</strong>下降；另有學者和受冷暴力的人們進行訪談，其中一名妻子受到丈夫長達40年的冷暴力，帶來低落的歸屬感、掌控感、自尊心、及存在意義感；而訪談中，不少受到冷暴力的人都<strong>對當初導致冷暴力的原因茫然不解，而深感困惑</strong>。</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><img src="/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/28234503/42_Reflect_On_Past.webp" alt="reflection"><br></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong></strong></p><h2><strong>為什麼有些人會出現冷暴力行為？</strong></h2><p style="text-align: justify;">冷暴力行為可能源於<strong>多種心理因素</strong>，包括但不限於：</p><ol><li style="text-align: justify;"><strong>避免衝突</strong>：有些人<strong>害怕向對方展現脆弱的一面</strong>、說出自己的情緒感受；或<strong>害怕發生衝突</strong>，因而壓抑情感，導致冷暴力行為的出現</li><li style="text-align: justify;"><strong>缺乏自我覺察</strong>：有些人可能對自己的情緒和感受<strong>感到困惑</strong>或<strong>不知所措</strong>，而通過冷暴力行為來表達 </li><li style="text-align: justify;"><strong>缺乏溝通技巧</strong>：有些人可能<strong>缺乏表達情感和需要</strong>的能力，透過冷暴力來表達需要，或希望藉此令對方作出改變</li><li style="text-align: justify;"><strong>視為懲罰</strong>：有些人視冷暴力為<strong>懲罰、控制或獲取權力</strong>的方法，讓對方感到孤立難受，容易演變成情感虐待（emotional abuse） </li><li style="text-align: justify;"><strong>迴避責任</strong>：通過迴避和忽視，<strong>避免承擔責任</strong></li></ol><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>如果你發現自己有類似冷暴力的行為，要知道，覺察是很好的起點。意識到它的存在，才能慢慢了解它的意義，例如是未有表達的需求和情緒，是學習和調整的開始。</strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;">不妨思考，這些行為背後的需要是什麼？冷暴力是一個行為，行為背後往往源於一些未被滿足的需求。這些需求，可以通過其他方式去表達嗎？另一方面，也可以想想透過冷暴力表達需求這行為模式，是從哪裡所學到？是從<strong>過往親密關係的經歷</strong>（如原生家庭、伴侶）所學到，潛而默化地轉化成自己的行為習慣嗎？還是從社會中各種關係所學到？</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><img src="/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/28234506/55_%E9%9D%9C%E8%A7%80%E6%BA%9D%E9%80%9A.webp" alt="communication"><br></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong></strong></p><h2><strong>是健康抽離 還是冷暴力？</strong></h2><p style="text-align: justify;">然而，有時候從衝突中抽離可能是合適的選擇，例如一方意識到自己的情緒十分激動，繼續對話只會加劇緊張和憤怒，甚至可能說出傷人的話；又或者，一方需要獨自冷靜的空間去消化感受，整理想法，思考如何有效地表達感受；前提是<strong>冷靜前，有清晰地向對方表達需要及所需時間</strong>，盡量釋除沉默為對方帶來的不安。這種沉默是為了處理情緒，為了溝通得更好。</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>假如你覺察到自己出現冷暴力行為，不妨問問自己：</strong></p><ul><li style="text-align: justify;">對方做了什麼事情令你感到不愉快？</li><li style="text-align: justify;">通過對話，這件事情會有轉機，可以解決到嗎？</li><li style="text-align: justify;">對方是故意的，還是無意去傷害你的？</li><li style="text-align: justify;">對方知道你現在的感受（如失望，難過）嗎？</li></ul><p style="text-align: justify;">回答這些問題有助你更完整地看到事情的面貌。也可以嘗試《好好對話的力量》作者、心理學家Sarah Rozenthuler建議的<strong>“RAN”練習</strong>：RAN代表憤慨（<strong>R</strong>esentment）、感激（<strong>A</strong>ppreciation）和需求（<strong>N</strong>eed）。</p><p style="text-align: justify;">首先，準備一張白紙/ 電話內的備忘錄，誠實問問自己對這個人/ 情況有什麼<strong>憤慨</strong>，如實地寫下來。接著，寫下你對這個人的<strong>感激之處</strong>。最後，寫下你從這個人或情況中的<strong>需要</strong>，可能簡單如一個道歉、或是更多的陪伴和溝通時間、希望對方按自己心意改變計劃。能夠完成這些內在整理的話，我們會在一個相對理性的狀態，去反思自己在關係中的真正需求；繼而嘗試進行有意義的對話，擺脫沉默對關係帶來的傷害。</p><p style="text-align: justify;">也要明白，沉默不是表達感受和想法的理想渠道，<strong>沒有任何一個人，能夠從沉默中猜透別人的心思</strong>；冷暴力或能短暫地滿足一些需要（如對方的關注和妥協）、避開披露情感伴隨的未知和壓力、反映你的不滿，卻未能清清楚楚地傳遞你的核心需求、以及背後的價值觀；長遠而言對關係沒有好處，反而是無聲地傷害關係，在雙方之間築起石牆，令關係走向破裂。</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><img src="/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/28235054/Card_23-2.webp" alt="expressingneeds" style="width: 100%; max-width: 326px; height: auto; max-height: 250px;margin:auto"><br></p><p style="text-align: justify;">放諸親子關係，研究指出，當父母直接、開放而真誠地向孩子表達消極情緒，能成為孩子的榜樣，讓他們<strong>學習如何表達和調整情緒</strong>，並對親子關係帶來正面效果；放到戀愛關係，假如伴侶關心對方是否感到不高興，而對方願意承認這一點，亦能對<strong>關係承諾</strong>（relational commitment）產生正面效果。</p><p style="text-align: justify;">蜉蝣於勞碌生活裡，我們都渴望被看見、被理解、被尊重、被連結，特別是與親密的人共處時。冷暴力正正將這些需求切斷，令人感到痛苦。<strong>如果對方是你所愛和重視的人，請記得絕對有比冷暴力更好的表達方法。</strong></p><p style="text-align: justify;">在稍後推出的文章「從心理學看親密關係：如何面對冷暴力？」我們將會分享一些面對冷暴力時的處理方法，敬請期待。</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><strong>參考文獻：</strong></p> <p class="apa"> Rittenour, C. E., Kromka, S. M., Saunders, R. K., Davis, K., Garlitz, K., Opatz, S. N., … Thomas, M. (2018). Socializing the Silent Treatment: Parent and Adult Child Communicated Displeasure, Identification, and Satisfaction. <em>Journal of Family Communication, 19</em>(1), 77–93. <a class="reference" href="https://doi.org/10.1080/15267431.2018.1543187" target="_self">https://doi.org/10.1080/15267431.2018.1543187</a> </p> <p class="apa"> Wright, C. N., & Roloff, M. E. (2009). Relational Commitment and the Silent Treatment. <em>Communication Research Reports, 26</em>(1), 12–21. <a class="reference" href="https://doi.org/10.1080/08824090802636967" target="_self">https://doi.org/10.1080/08824090802636967</a> </p> <p class="apa"> Molet, M., Macquet, B., Lefebvre, O., & Williams, K. D. (2013). A focused attention intervention for coping with ostracism. <em>Consciousness and cognition, 22</em>(4), 1262–1270. <a class="reference" href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.concog.2013.08.010" target="_self">https://doi.org/10.1016/j.concog.2013.08.010</a> </p> <p class="apa"> Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., & Williams, K. D. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An FMRI study of social exclusion. <em>Science (New York, N.Y.), 302</em>(5643), 290–292. <a class="reference" href="https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1089134" target="_self">https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1089134</a> </p> <p class="apa"> Cleveland Clinic. (2024). The Silent Treatment: Causes and Coping. Retrieved at <a class="reference" href="https://health.clevelandclinic.org/silent-treatment" target="_self">https://health.clevelandclinic.org/silent-treatment</a> </p> <p class="apa"> Jancee Dunn. (2025). This Habit Is Quietly Ruining Your Relationships. <em>The New York Times</em>. 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